How To Understand People

Nothing good could come of a relationship marred by infidelity, right? The heartache, the shock, the feeling of one's trust being violated.  In the short-term, being cheated on can turn one's world upside down. But eventually, there may be a light awaiting the cheated at the end of the tunnel.  If you really think about it, cheaters end up doing us a huge favor.  In their selfishness and disloyalty, they end up showing us that we deserve better.  If you're so unfortunate as to be a victim of such acts of betrayal, you can only hope the cheater is considerate enough to own up to their missteps.  But we all know full well that, in many cases, the cheater is either caught in the act or leaves behind a trail of hints that ultimately culminates in their undoing. The more classy thing to do is to discuss their feelings openly with their partner before straying.  If all talks lead to an impasse or a further escalation of tensions, both parties should take it as a ...

If you find yourself falling for someone who won't commit, you might want to put on the brakes before getting in too deep. That is, of course, if you're seeking a serious, long-term relationship. Why might a person refuse to commit? It could be a myriad of reasons. They may have gotten burned by an ex and have resolved to put up protective walls. They may want to retain their independence, whether because of a demanding job or their wanting to hang out with friends. Maybe they have children they wish to prioritize following the passing of their spouse.  Whatever the case, they have every right not to get locked into a commitment they don't want, and you should appreciate it when they're thoughtful enough to come forward from the outset. The problem comes when people vacillate between wanting and not wanting a serious commitment. Maybe they say they don't, but their actions -- from calling you non-stop to kissing and sending you gifts -- convey just the opposite.  Th...

If there's something you should never allow your partner do, it's to treat you like an option rather than like a priority. I've said time and time again that we should never expect our partner to complete us, as only we can achieve that. However, it's fair game to lean toward our partner when: We've had a rotten day and could use a little pick-me-up through their support and encouragement  We've experienced a happy moment or occurrence -- whether a promotion or achievement of some other personal/professional milestone -- and would like to share it with them We're facing a tough challenge or decision and would value their input  But if your partner treats you like you're secondary to other matters or people, you've got a major problem on your hands -- one that needs to be addressed immediately before tensions escalate further. Maybe you've been yearning for a date night with her for months, but says she has to work late or already made plans with ...

I was raised by my mom, grandma, and two older sisters.  Growing up, never did I ever take any interest in the girls at school who tended toward exposing more skin. I always treated them as I would my female family members -- with the utmost courtesy and respect.  And anytime I suspected that a male friend or acquaintance of mine adopted a hump-and-dump attitude toward women, I nixed them from my life. I held men who treated women as objects in very low regard, and still do to this day. If women feel empowered to show off their bodies because they love and work hard on their physique, more power to them. In other words, if they're doing it to please THEMSELVES and no one else, good for them.  However, those who do it specifically to curry men's favor are making a big mistake. It sends the wrong signals and actually makes it less likely that a man will want to stick around for a committed relationship (if that's what you want as anyway).  Granted, if you're not lookin...

There's people in this world who are inevitably bent on causing others harm -- or at least giving them a hard time -- all in the service of advancing their own interests. It's usually a reflection of the loathing they harbor toward themselves or some aspect of their life. They take it upon themselves to project onto you and others -- unsuspecting victims in their path -- their unrelenting misery.  Maybe you've encountered this at work or elsewhere: A toxic boss or surly acquaintance who seems to revel in making others feel like crap, whether out of envy, jealousy, spite, or no concrete reason at all. Once someone stands up to them, they may very well put the bullseye on others' backs, including yours.  So how is one to deal with these toxic individuals?  Don't let them get to you Nothing spurs them into taking a victory lap quite like seeing you deflated and despondent. Even if they're getting on your nerves, try not to show it. It'll supply them with more f...

Being the social creatures that we are, we all want people to like us. We all want to be in people's good graces. After all, it opens the door to new job or relationship possibilities, so why not?  The danger comes when you aim to impress someone to feel better about yourself -- when being "you" just isn't good enough. This creates the potential for losing your identity entirely in the process. Rather than living your most authentic life so that those who value you for who you are come along for the ride, you're bending over backwards to fit into the mold of how others want to perceive you. See the difference? For example, I know a great many people who aren't materialistic by nature, but they tote around expensive handbags and drive luxurious cars just so that they gain gain others' approval. Somewhere along the way, they bought into the misguided notion that projecting wealth will earn the respect of others, as if their positive feelings for fancy brand...

A person whose words have been shown to contradict his or her actions is one you're better off without. Maybe it's the girlfriend who professes to love you but always misses your milestone moments.  The friend who talks up your being best buddies, but has been caught spreading lies about you. The co-worker who assures you that you can always count on them, but is furtively angling for your job. The truth is that it's not always easy to decipher people's real motives, especially when you don't know them that well. But once you observe on more than one occasion that their actions don't mirror their words, you ought to cast a wary eye.  People can make promises all they like, but if there's no action to back them up, it's evident they've got a penchant for disingenuousness. Don't be too quick to hand over your trust. We are much more apt to do this when the person in question is charming and charismatic.  A rule of thumb to go by: You don't real...